Pink Lemonade
by reindeerguardian
Summary: when the Earl of Lemongrab proposes to Princess Bubblegum,a certain candy butler will go out of his way to ensure that this wedding does not take place. after all, the two would only be together 'till death do them part.
1. Chapter 1

**So uh, just another random crack pairing. (Originally a oneshot) I believe the pairing is called Bubblegrab or pink lemonade…something like that, so enjoy!**

The Earl of Lemongrab rode out on the honorable Lemon horse, in the direction of the Candy Kingdom. He'd been meaning to arrive much earlier, but somehow found himself putting it off. He wanted to make amends with the princess. After all, she was his creator, his "mother", in a sense. He stopped just outside the city gates. Perhaps this was a bad idea. Maybe he should turn around, forget the whole thing. Yes, that's it. He started to turn Lemon horse around, but then the gates opened.

The Earl took a deep breath, and moved forward.

"Your highness," peppermint butler called to Princess Bubblegum. She looked up from her desk.

"Yes peppers?" He cleared his throat and adjusted his bow tie nervously.

"Erm, the Earl of Lemongrab wishes to eh, speak to you."

The princess's eyes flickered briefly. She looked at the butler, at her paperwork, and back at him. She sighed.

"Tell him to enter if he must."

The Earl nervously adjusted his attire. He probably should go. She didn't want to see him. He should turn around and leave. His brain cried out, _leave! Get out of there before you hurt yourself!_ But his heart was telling him, _go on! You want to see her! Take a chance and confess to her! _He decided to wait for her answer. Peppermint butler came through the wooden doors to nod at him.

"You may enter."

Lemongrab's stomach flip flopped. He walked through the doors and found himself standing next to her. She nodded slightly, and motioned for peppermint butler to leave the room. The princess cleared her throat.

"Earl." She said in an annoyed tone, but not without dignity.

"Princess..." he started him didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure how to put what he meant into words. Then he got an idea.

"Princess, would you join me in a game of karaoke?"

He knew she wouldn't turn him down. The princess loved to sing. Her eyes flickered, and then softened slightly.

"Of course."

They had a few servants pull out the karaoke machine, which hadn't been used in a while. He bowed and motioned for her to pick first. The princess, in all her beauty and grace ascended the royal stage they'd set up, and asked him to come up with her. He did, and she began.

"_I know you've been hurt by,_

_Someone else_

_I can tell by the way_

_You carry yourself_

_If you'll let me,_

_Here's what I'll do_

_I'll take care of you_

_I've loved and I've lost…"_

They sang. Their voices drifting together, intertwining with every verse. This was all he'd ever wanted, for her to except him, to care about him, to acknowledge him in a sense without royalty. He wanted nothing more than to break the royal boundaries. The gates of insecurity and utter disdain that kept them apart. He wanted to be hers, but mostly, he just wanted her love.

The song ended much too early.

The princess smiled at him. A smile so sad and bitterly sour, he wondered for a moment if she was the lemon-candy being and not him. He wanted to say something. To touch her, to comfort her in some way, but he didn't know how. He wished he did. He wished with all his sour heart that he knew the right words to say. The moves to make, the songs to sing, the gifts to give, the volume to use, the right time to tell her.

The right time to give her the ring.

He loved Bubblegum with all his heart. But she would never love him back. And so he sent a sad smile her way, bowed, and turned to leave.

"Earl? Where are you going, sourpuss?" he flinched at the old nickname. It brought back memories.

Painful memories. There was one. He stood for a moment as the memory surfaced and found its way to consciousness.

_Two years ago…_

"Princess!" the earl cried in ecstatic happiness, running up to his creator with all the eagerness of a small child. She turned from her garden to look at him.

"Yes?" she smiled, looking into his cupped hands to reveal a small green inchworm. It inched up his arm, and he giggled in a childlike manor. The princess smiled at the Earl, he was still so young.

She'd created him a week ago, and hoped that she could somehow work out his attitude, find a way to renew her creation. Peppermint butler had told her to do away with him.

"He's a sour being! Creating such a thing in a world as sweet as ours can only bring trouble for you and your people!" The princess had cried out in horror. Take the life of her own creation? How horribly morbid! She loved her butler, and trusted his wisdom, but she couldn't possibly kill this being!

"One month!" she pleaded. "Give me one month to adjust him, and if he is not well enough by then, well…" she took a breath. "Then I'll get rid of him."

Now they were in the royal gardens. The inchworm crawled along his arm, and suddenly stopped.

"Huh?" asked a curious Lemongrab. The worm suddenly became very alarmed and sent out nervous vibrations_, whooooooooowwww _ it called.

"Ahhhh!" he screamed, casting the creature into the nearby bushes. Only, he didn't stop screaming. He continued, waving his arms about in a wild manor, the princess' smile descended into a deep frown, her brow furrowed. His screaming stalled to a halt, as he noticed her disapproving gaze. He hugged her, acting as though he were truly remorseful, a child begging for forgiveness engulfed in an innocence most would not understand.

But Bubblegum did understand, and she stroked his shoulder as they sat down under a nearby tree. She sighed.

"What am I going to do with you, sourpuss?" she asked, and he only looked at her, sadly.

"I'm sorry, princess."

He said looking her in the eyes. "Please don't send me away, I'll do better, I promise!" he cried.

One month.

One month came and went, and it was with a heavy heart and teary eyes Princess Bonnibell Bubblegum said goodbye to the Earl. She had him sent off to his own Earldom, and he went, with a stony gaze and a sour heart, he headed off away from the Candy Kingdom.

But that was two years ago. And now he stood, ready to leave again. To walk out of her life once more, but she'd called him back. She wanted him to stay. He took a deep breath. It was now or never.

He whirled around to face her, and dropped to one knee. He fumbled with the box that held his future.

"Princess, will you marry me?"

He held his breath. Seconds ticked by, and the princess only stood there. Staring at him. He bit his lip. He knew it was a stupid idea. He never should've come. He slowly stood up, and it took everything in him not to lash out, to scream and hit and run around wildly. But he held himself together. Tears formed in his eyes, and he backed away, out the door. The wooden doors to the castle closed shut as the Earl left and mounted his Lemon horse.

The princess couldn't grasp what had happened. The Earl had proposed to her. Why hadn't she responded? Now he thought she'd turned him down!

_Yes!_

"Yes" she whispered suddenly. Reality struck her. He was leaving! She ran out the doors of the castle, past her bewildered guards, past a few curious candy children, and past starchy talking to her butler.

"Earl!" she cried waving for him, running up to him as he was just starting off on his steed.

"wha-?" he asked suddenly. But he was cut off as she pressed her lips to his, and caught him off guard. But he kissed her back, her sweet bubblegum lips on his sour ones. And everything was perfect again, the way things should be. She slipped the ring on her finger.

Peppermint butler glared from his spot next to the gravedigger. Sour and sweet don't mix. Something or someone was going to stop this wedding he decided. And if you want something done right you have to do it yourself. Even if it meant getting rid of the groom, the hard way.

**I love this. So much. =.= I was just gonna leave it that the Earl left or maybe at the end he woke up from a dream or something. But this instead. Did you guys like it? Did it suck? There are only like, two stories with the Earl of Lemongrab, and in both he's the bad guy. I wanted to try something different anyway. Can't wait for more Lemongrab in season four!**

**The song PB started singing is "Take Care" by Drake, ft. Rihanna. **


	2. Chapter 2

The Candy Kingdom was the busiest place in Ooo. The Princess had the finest of wedding planners working like mad. But every once in a while, one of them would find an order had been placed to the wrong address or that zinnias arrived instead of Lilies. Things of that sort kept popping up unexplained, nothing to truly stop the wedding but just enough to delay it a bit.

Which was exactly what Peppermint Butler was trying to do. If they thought that someone was trying to sabotage the wedding, they'd get on with it immediately without any hesitation. So the butler took his own sweet time ruining things. Peppermint Butler absolutely loved the princess with all his heart, and wished her happiness. But how could she have any happiness when her subjects would hate her for having such a sour husband? He would have no idea how to rule properly.

There was something else. Something that didn't want the princess to be married. What was it? Jealousy? Hmm. He'd never been jealous before, not even when Death picked his brother instead of him to rule over the 11th dead world. But that was long ago, and this was now. Was it possible that somehow over the years, his loyalty to the princess had turned to love? No. not possible. He was his princess' servant, her butler, never would be her lover. Especially now. Now she was getting married.

"C'mon Finn! PB said she's got big news"

"Alright, alright! I'm comin!" Finn laughed as he ran alongside Jake. "It's not easy to run when you're covered in third degree burns."

"Tier 8?" Jake asked.

"Maybe." Finn giggled as they flew through the doors of the castle.

"Whoooaaaa…" they breathed in unison. The entire castle was decorated and refurnished, candy people were all over the place, putting things in order, talking in excitement to themselves and to the princess.

"Hey Peebles! What's the big news?" Finn asked as the duo walked over to her. Princess Bubblegum turned and looked over her shoulder at Finn and Jake and smiled greatly at them.

"Finn! Jake!" she cried happily. "I'm so glad you could come to the rehearsal!" the two brothers exchanged a glance.

"Rehearsal for what?" she giggled, and then noticed they were serious.

"Oh, you haven't heard?" they shook their heads. "Oh. Well…everyone else already knew so I assumed that you did too…"

"Know what?" Jake cried in excitement. She beamed at them and turned all the way to face them frontly. She was being fitted for a dress.

"I'm getting married!" Both boys' jaws dropped.

"To who?"

"I didn't even know you had a boyfriend!" the princess blushed.

"Well, actually I didn't" Jake smiled broadly.

"Oh…so it's a chick! I knew you and Marceline had a thing going!"

"No!" she yelled. "It is a man!"

"Well who is it!" Finn asked. "Cinnamon Bun? Ice King? Peppermint Butler?"

"No, definitely no, and no."

"Well?!" she giggled.

"It's the Earl." They stared at her, dumbfounded.

"…of…Lemongrab?" Finn asked. "But that guys a huge jerk!" the princess' face descended into a deep frown.

"No. you don't know him the way I do."

"Maybe not, but he's a still a big—"he stopped when he saw the Earl coming down the hall. Wearing an extravagant suit. PB's eyes lit up when she saw him.

"Hey Bonnibell does this look stupid?"

"Of course not Hun, it looks fabulous!" Finn and Jake giggled and whispered to one another.

"Dude, he looks like a vampire muffin!"

"Hehe yeah! What a wiener." The princess glared in their direction. Lemongrab only stared at them, and then at Bubblegum who reassured him it was a spectacular suit.

"So you two...uh...lovebirds, need anything done Finn and Jake style?" Jake asked. The princess put a finger to her lips and thought for a moment.

"No, I think we have everything covered. Although I do need you to attend the ceremony." She asked rather than stated.

"Poibles, it'd be an honor." Finn said trying to bow. Jake grinned.

"Yeah, of course were comin!" at the mention of invitations, the princess stood up straight at the thought of something.

"Oh good heavens! That reminds me, we haven't even sent out the invitations yet!"

"Wasn't that…Mr. Peppermint's job?" The Earl asked.

"Why, yes it was! Peppermint Butler has been slipping up lately; poor dear must have a million things to do!"

"We can deliver those invites." Finn volunteered cheerfully. Jake groaned, but the human elbowed him sharply.

"Would you really?" she cried happily.

"Yeah sure."

"Oh thank you boys so much! I owe you! Let me go get them." And she walked off, trying to move around in her half-finished dress. That left the two adventurers alone with the Earl of Lemongrab.

"So…you're marrying PB huh?" Finn asked awkwardly. The Earl righted himself at the sound of her name.

"Yes. I'm a lucky guy." He said, looking in the direction she'd left. Jake stared at the Earl.

"So, how did this happen? I thought you guys, like, hated each other or some strizz." Lemongrab's face went blank for a moment and then changed to an unreadable expression.

"I could never hate her. She's perfect."

"Isn't she like, your mom?" Finn asked. The groom's eyes got large, he blushed and looked at the ground.

"Well…um…I-I've never—" he was interrupted by Jake

"Yeah, 'cause that's kinda weird, I mean, I wouldn't marry my mom." Lemongrab looked like he was using all his will power not to lash out and yell at them. Thankfully Princess Bubblegum returned, and handed Finn a stack of envelopes.

"Thanks again boys, and try to be as quick as possible! Rehearsal starts at six, don't be late!" and with that the couple disappeared into the sea of candy people, leaving Finn and Jake with mail duty.

"Well…I always wanted to be a mailman." Finn said.

"Mailmen make me think of poor Princess Cookie." Finn rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, who's first?"

"Um…oh! LSP."

"How are we supposed to get to Lumpy Space?"

"Easy. First, we find that frog and mushroom."

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to our heroes, Peppermint Butler watched them from nearby with narrowed eyes.

"Damn."

**Chapter two! Haha bet you guys thought I wouldn't ever get around to it, did ya?...well I did.**


	3. Chapter 3

Finn and Jake knocked on the door to Lumpy Space Princess' house. King and Queen Lumpy Space answered the door.

"Why hello Finn, and Jake!" they greeted simultaneously.

"Hey King and Queen Lumpy Space. Is LSP here?" the two conjoined parents frowned, and the queen looked about ready to cry.

"Why, no she isn't." King Lumpy Space confirmed, trying to comfort his wife.

"Well…where is she?" Finn asked.

"We don't know!" they cried, both in tears and they slammed the door, receding back into the house. Finn and Jake exchanged a glance.

"Well that was dumb."

"Dude, LSP is in the woods…again, wearing garbage and whatever." Jake informed.

"Oh yeah." Finn grinned. And then he was annoyed. "So we came all the way here for nothing?"

"Yep."

**Eventually…**

"Oh my glob! PB is getting married?!" Lumpy Space Princess cried.

"Yeah, to the Earl of Lemongrab." Lsp scoffed.

"That guy is a huge lumping Dish." She said.

"Yeah, but they're in love. Or something." Jake said

"Well, we girls totally have to throw a bachelorette party for Bubblegum!" she exclaimed, whipping out her cell phone to call up a bunch of other princesses. Finn and Jake groaned and looked at each other. That meant they'd have to throw one for the Earl.

"Ugh. Dude, that was hard enough with the Ice King, Lemongrab's gonna be thrice as difficult!"

"c'mon, do it for Peebles." Finn tried to convince his brother.

"Whatever dude. They're gonna divorce in a week probably."

"Shut up!"

"Who's next on the invite list?"

"Let's see…Marci." Jake said, raising his eyebrows. "I thought she and Bubblegum were, like, mad at each other or something."

"Well, maybe they're over it. C'mon let's go to Marceline's."

**At Marci's…**

The vampire queen raised her eyebrows.

"Bonnibell's getting married? To that doofus lemon guy?"

"Yeah." Marceline smiled widely to reveal her fangs.

"I have _got_ to see this!" she laughed, "oh, I'm definitely gonna be there!" she floated back into the house, laughing and taking the invitation with her. Jake only shrugged and walked out towards the cave opening.

"C'mon Finn! We've got more invites to deal out!"

"Coming!"

After they left the cave, Peppermint Butler stepped out of the shadows. With a villainous idea brewing, he knocked on the vampire queen's door. She answered.

"Peppers? What are you doing here?" she asked, sounding surprised to see him.

"I come with a message from the princess." He said, clearing his throat.

"If it's about her getting hitched Finn and Jake were just here and—"

"m'lady, I assure you it has nothing to do with that." Marceline gave him a curious look.

"Well then, what is it?" he adjusted his bowtie and smiled.

"she told me to tell you that marriage is dumb and that she wants to get back together with you." Her expression changed.

"What?"

"She also said that the Earl doesn't have to know. Nobody has to know." She looked enraged.

"Oh, now she wants to get back with me?! Now that she's engaged to sir idiot?! No one has to know? Really?! Goddamnit Bonnibell, you are just. Impossible!" she cried, slamming the door in the butler's face. He smiled.

"Phase one, complete."

**Oh snap. Drama Bomb!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well Guys, I really love this story. But I don't know if I can finish it. After I watched "You Made Me" (like, 2 weeks ago!) I just don't know. Maybe I could make Lemon Clone the best man…but that would jack up the rest of the story, for you see, I had plans with that position. **

**So I'm asking for your opinion. Should I continue, or not?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So I decided to continue this. Thanks to everyone who cheered me on! Also, things get a little morbid so look out.**

"Princess!" Finn called, he and Jake making their way to her.

"Oh, hey guys! Did you get all those invites out?"

"Yep!" Finn confirmed. He was excited; he'd never been to a real wedding before. Or at least not a successful one.

…speaking of unsuccessful marriages, here came the Ice King now.

"Did I hear 'invitation'?" he called, peering in through the window. Pb, Jake and Finn all looked at one another.

"No."

"Nope."

"Definitely not."

He narrowed his wizard eyes. "Aw come on you guys, you can't exclude me from everything!"

"Yes we can." Jake insisted. Ice King almost shot back with a hot retort, but instead his eyes trailed around the castle's ballroom.

"Hey Princess, are you redecorating or something?"

"yes." She hissed, "Now leave!" Then he noticed the entire castle was absolutely beautiful. He looked her up and down, still being fitted for her dress. The ring on her finger. The Ice King wasn't the smartest person in the world, but he could put two and two together.

"Bubblegum are you cheating on me?!" they all groaned.

"Dangit Ice King, just get outta here!" Finn yelled, throwing the window closed. His muffled voice still came from the other side.

"Did I say cheating? I mean, I'm happy for ya' sweetie! Best wishes and all that!" PB sighed.

"He's gonna end up infiltrating the palace anyway…" Jake raised his eyebrows.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying…well…maybe we should invite him. He's gonna end up coming anyway. Better him an invited guest than an unwanted trespasser."

"Yeah, what she said!" The Ice Wizard called from outside the window. Finn sighed.

"Okay…but he'll be under my watchful eyes the whole time!" The princess smiled.

"Of course."

"Yay!" Ice King's muffled cheering came through the window.

_Meanwhile…_

Peppermint Butler ran through the castle, silently unnoticed. He made his way into the basement, making sure he wasn't followed. He stealthily made his way down the stairs, knowing from experience which ones squeaked.

Looking around the room, he saw no one and hurried over to the darkest corner of the room. He thought he'd heard something; he strained his ears to catch the sound again, but heard nothing.

"Stare into where the two walls meet…" he murmured. Soon a dark twisted portal appeared a portal that led straight to Death's bedroom. He stepped inside.

The first thought that came to him he said aloud, "why does Death have a bed_? _He never sleeps"

"Without a partner." A voice came from behind the butler. Peppermint Butler turned to see Death grinning at him.

"Hey Peppers! Been a while hasn't it?"

"Hello Death. In the mortal world I suppose yes."

"What brings you here?" he asked, certainly not expecting his friend this evening.

"I have a favor to ask of you…"

_Later…_

Peppermint Butler shook Death's hand.

"Nice to see you again old friend. Thank you."

"Always welcome Peppers. Come back soon!" and with that the butler stepped out of the portal and it immediately closed. Then he heard a noise.

A small noise. So inconspicuous that he wasn't entirely sure he'd heard it. But he had. It was the slight squeaking of the stairs. Someone was in the room! He cursed himself for not locking the door and raced up the stairs to catch whoever it was.

I was Starchy. The gravedigger cowered on the staircase, frightened of the Butler.

"I-I-I…" he stammered. Peppermint Butler narrowed his eyes.

"We're not going to have problems are we Starchy?" Starchy's eyes widened and he shook his head wordlessly.

"good." He hissed. Pushing past him to continue up the stairs. Starchy, finally regaining his courage, found his voice.

"You can't do this!" he cried. The butler whirled around.

"Oh I can't? Says who?"

"W-well…th-the Princess will be awfully mad when she finds out what you're up to..."

"The princess will never find out." He growled.

"You can't do this to them! Why do you want to ruin love?"

"I have every right to do this." He retorted, ignoring the last question. Starchy stared at the butler with hurt confusion until something inside him hit a light bulb.

"Oh, I get it." Starchy said, narrowing his eyes. "Your jealous that Bubblegum's getting married!" Peppermint Butler laughed, although he did feel a pang of something in his chest.

"Jealousy is something I outgrew long ago."

"Then why?" the gravedigger pleaded. "Whatever it is, I'm sure we can work things out!"

"There will be no working out. This will be done efficiently."

"C'mon Pepbut! Nobody likes Lemongrab, but we have to make the best of it for both of 'em!"

"I don't." he growled making it clear he was sticking to his plans. Starchy narrowed his eyes determinedly.

"I'm gonna tell the Princess." he announced, no louder than a whisper.

Peppermint Butler sighed. He didn't want to do this. He'd liked Starchy. But he couldn't have anyone interfering with his plans. He picked up the thing nearest to him; a pickax.

"w-what are you doing?" Starchy asked, eyes widening with fright. "Stay away from me!" he backed up, hands out in front of him as if to hold the butler back. As he backed up, he fell down the stairs, landing with a sickening thud on the cement floor of the basement.

He groaned and sat up, trying to crawl away from the butler. But he had nowhere to go.

"You heartless monster! y-you won't get away with this!" Peppermint Butler ignored this, walking towards where Starchy lay, swinging the weapon as he went.

"How ironic," he said coolly, bringing the pickax to shoulder height, "That it is your grave that will be dug tonight."

A bloodcurdling scream came from the basement that evening, ringing through the halls of the castle. Or it would've if the basement wasn't soundproof.

_Later..._

"Where's Starchy?" Princess Bubblegum asked Peppermint Butler. "I asked him to get that ladder from the basement hours ago!"

Peppers shrugged. "I don't know Princess. I thought I heard him say he was going out for the night." The princess sighed.

"Oh Starchy, you irresponsible weasel." She murmured. "Peppers will you go finish his job?"

He grinned maliciously. "With pleasure m'lady." The Princess smiled and pat him on the head.

"Oh, Peppermint Butler, what would I do without you?"


End file.
